Dear Diary...

Photo by Aperture Vintage on Unsplash

A few things have happened since we last spoke. Can I tell you?

Okay, so the first was that, after dodging myriad kiddie winter illnesses, I succumbed to one and have spent a few days wiped out on the sofa. And you know what? It’s been a 9/10 experience! Russ wrangled the kids and kept me topped-up with Berocca & Lemsip. I hunkered down under a blanket, fastidiously working my way through the gripping reality show ‘Prison Brides’, and Kate Middleton conspiracy wormholes on X.

I’ve been able to recover physically and recharge mentally because I’ve had a proper pause in the circuit, a break from the daily grind of chores and bracing myself against small children’s big feelings. It’s given me a boost of patience and appreciation for my kids that can get lost in the frantic day-to-day.

The second thing that has happened is that I got a job! A part-time, minimum wage job, but it’s flexible and I’m really grateful for it. After spending over a year tearing my hair out with frustration over being unable to get anywhere, someone finally said ‘yes’. What a feeling. The work is part admin, part digital marketing, both of which I enjoy. The women I’m working for are warm and kind, full of hugs and positive, affirming remarks, with homemade baked goods on tap. What more can you ask for?

While I try to remain open to the prospect of working as an actor again in the future, for now I’m at peace with building a more solid and sustainable foundation.

The final thing I want to tell you is that, on my sixth attempt, I finally passed my driving test! Despite trembling and blinking back the tears in the test centre, 50-50 about whether I could put myself through the pressure and disappointment of yet another fail, despite having to clench my throat to stop myself openly bawling as I strapped my seatbelt on and turned on the engine, I decided to just get through it. And I’m so glad I did, because it finally worked out, multi-lane roundabouts and all. I can’t tell you my delight when the examiner smiled and told me the good news. I beamed rainbows.

Other than during my bi-monthly self-berating sessions where I torment myself with all my inadequacies and failings, I haven’t really allowed myself to think too much about all the possibilities having a driving license provides. Aside from all the wing mirrors and scratched paint I’ll get to replace as I batter my way through the school run (jk jk), it has lifted a major obstacle from my life. For one, as a family, we have way more options in where to live. I can worry less when Russ is away and I need to get a kid to a doctor/ school /a playdate. There are so many work opportunities that have been unavailable until now. I’m so relieved I can’t tell you. I’m on a proper pink cloud.

So, here we are, I’m coming to you in a far less grumpy and frazzled state than previously. It’s taken a long time, but I’m finally getting yes’s instead of a revolving door of no’s. Progress isn’t always linear, but I’m going to celebrate the wins for now, however small and unmighty they might seem to others. For me, they are huge.

Thanks for being here, and thanks for allowing me to share with you.