What Should I do?

A guide for the lost

Welcome to ‘Confessions Of A Lost Girl’!

There’s so much I want to tell you. I’ve been waiting for the right place and time, and now, here we are. The most interesting and nuanced conversations happen behind closed doors, right?

I thought I’d start with the thing I find scariest to admit…. and that is: I’m not sure what to do next.

After years spent kicking big life decisions down the road, now it’s crunch time. I no longer have a reliable career as an actress, nor am I cocooned in a newborn baby-bubble.

As my children are getting older, it’s time to get clear on some things, namely: the most productive use of time when they are at school/nursery, where to live, what jobs to apply for. You’re overthinking it, people say. There’s no right or wrong. Most things can be changed anyway.

Deep down, I’ve always hoped for the answers to magically appear, preferably via a wise older woman who takes me under her well-connected, thriving and stylish wing. If not, I’d settle for a chance encounter, for one thing to lead to another, for things to just work out. I mean, if life’s a journey, can I at least get a compass?!

Admitting you feel lost is not easy, especially when you feel like you should have things figured out. When you’re surrounded by people who seem to have it all together. Who are quietly settled and getting on with it, aspirational with grand plans, or who’ve made a success of themselves via whatever metric they prefer: emotional, physical, financial, material, spiritual, intellectual, conceptual, premenstrual.

I’m not complaining, though. I’m really very lucky just to be here. Eleven years ago, I was a train-wreck, trapped in the vice-like grips of disordered eating, substance abuse and existential dread. Unreliable and responsibility-avoidant. Terrified by the world and unable to fathom my place in it. Every cliche about child actors came to pass, albeit mercifully without the public interest and tabloid scrutiny.

Slowly but surely and with lots of help, I clawed my way out. I got sober, repaired my relationship with food, found someone I wanted to commit to and became a mother. But despite all the healing and beautiful new beginnings, I’m still left with me. And that girl still can’t work out what to do.

There is good news, however. This year, things have started to crystallise. I’ve begun combatting my lost-ness using two tools: Community and Connection To Purpose.

In being open about the things that feel ugliest, something magic happens: you find out it’s not just you and the shame dissolves. You build a mutually-beneficial community of people with whom you can be your true self. They can help you identify what you’re good at, or what you’re not seeing. You might get a lead towards something, or you might even be able to point someone else in the right direction.

In connecting to your purpose, you establish your North Star. The thing that lights your sky and is of value to the world. Once you’ve identified it, it becomes easier to take the next steps.

There’s no guarantee that by walking the path of purpose, you’ll be set for life. Your North Star might change and/or you might need to accept some uncomfortable realities. I wish my North Star was being a tech CEO or partner at a law firm, but it’s writing children’s books. Without any guarantee of success, it seems the next right thing is to find a day-job. As long as I get to spend some time doing the thing that makes my heart sing (aside from hanging out with my kids, of course?!) maybe it doesn’t matter what I do to earn a living. (Suggestions welcome).

It’s from this realisation that I decided to create this space. Part journal, part collective. To make space for a community to grow, for those who get it. Who feel, or have felt, lost.

Each week, I will share openly with you. I will be honest and candid because that’s how true connection is forged. Some weeks will be more emotive than others, but there will be plenty of levity along the way – I want to offer solutions rather than wallow in the problem. I might not have it all figured out, but I can certainly offer insight into the things I have overcome.

My mission is to bring people together, but don’t worry – there are no pre-requisites, weird underlying agendas or suggestions to do anything untoward with spirulina/jade eggs.

My only request is that we are respectful, considerate and kind. So please, sit back, relax and enjoy your weekly newsletter. If you do feel like having a more active involvement, that’s cool too – the benefit of Threads and Comments on the Substack website is that we can chat things over and support one another. You can ask me anything, plus we can have monthly Zoom chats to bounce ideas around. We can steer this thing together.

If you’re feeling a little lost, I hope this is the compass you’ve been looking for. My wings might not be stylish, but they’re open. Whoever you are, whatever your story, I’m so glad you’re here.