...and breathe

Photo by Darius Cotoi on Unsplash

There are many reasons why you might be feeling a little overwhelmed right now. If it’s not the festive season generating individually-tailored streams of pressure and ‘should’s’, it could be the dissonance of cheery Christmas tunes against a backdrop of unfathomable world events.

There’s a lot going on, isn’t there?

As such, socialising can present challenges. I tend to operate best in any social situation if I’ve given myself a pep talk beforehand – I *try* to remind myself that everyone will have a better time if my considerate self shows up, rather than the one consumed by her own thoughts and feelings. It’s a work in progress.

While life would be infinitely easier if everyone just said and did what I want them to, I’ve learned that’s not usually the case. In fact, all I can control is how I respond.

As we know, it’s much easier to be your Best Self, calm and caring, when your metaphorical cup is full. So to the oft-repeated refrain of self-care. Whatever that looks like, it tends to require at least the luxury of time and space. I don’t know about you, but as a mother of two young kids with an array of upcoming social commitments, it’s going to be less bubble baths and face masks, more face-planting mince pies.

I have found that it’s is possible to move through this time and maintain somewhat of a level head. This will be my tenth Christmas as a non-drinker, and while that’s not a path for everyone, it’s the one that works for me. For years, I would manage any difficult or unpleasant emotions with compulsive behaviour. Sitting with anything negative felt intolerable, so I’d go into octopus mode; tentacles reaching out to whatever they could. Toblerone, tequila, Topshop (RIP). Anything that would blot out the discomfort.

When it became apparent that this was unsustainable, I got help. Loads of it. For the purposes of the here and now, it can all be distilled into one handy phrase: the golden pause. Putting space between a feeling and an action means there’s time for it to pass without doing anything regrettable.

The easiest way to create that space is through mindful breathing. It’s no revelation that taking slow, deep breaths promotes a sense of calm. It takes the body out of stress-state, while getting the focus off any tricky thoughts. Then it’s possible to avoid the octopus taking the helm.

There are innumerable techniques around, so I’m going to share with you the most simple; diaphragmatic breathing. I teach it in Pilates classes to help ground those attending the class, and (try to) practice it myself when on the verge of overwhelm.

It can be done anywhere; sitting, lying, or standing (opposite your least favourite relative)

1) Place one hand on your chest, the other on your stomach. Take a deep, slow inhale through your nose, pulling the air down towards your stomach. Feel the sides of the ribcage expanding out like an accordion (keep a feeling of comfort – the aim is not to suck in so much air you create a feeling of tightness, or levitate up up and away).

2) Exhale slowly through the mouth, contracting the stomach muscles – imagine your ribcage contracting and your hipbones hugging in towards each other.

The whole process should feel concentrated, but not forceful – try to keep your shoulders, head and neck relaxed. General guidance is to aim for 3 – 5 minutes, then return to normal breathing – but anything is better than nothing.

Sending you love and golden pauses this holiday season x